Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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