K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
