Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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