he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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