We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
