TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
