Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.