He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits