My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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