Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
