This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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