No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize