I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
