Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out