everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.