I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.