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If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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