It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?