her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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