dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize