all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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