please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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