It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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