he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
