perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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