I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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