not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
its liver damage thursday
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