is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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