I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
