I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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