i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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