Midget sex pt 2 tonight
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
