At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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