You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize