I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
