420 ftw
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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