you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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