sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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