We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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