watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.