she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.