If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me