i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
