just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Enjoy the penises
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize