I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
