Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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