i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
