she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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