my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize