Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
