tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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