She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
