I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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