i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
