It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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