my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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