The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
